Whopper Ward Jones, Will You Please Grow Up?
Whopper Ward Jones, Will You Please Grow Up is a fan-made episode by Rigsrigsrigs10918, Kosh Naranek and Magic-is-cute. Premise Darius tries desperately to stop Whopper from making tall-tales. Plot Part One (Wally and Igor are seen looking over one of Wally's reviews. Darius enters with a frustrated look on his face.) Darius: I cannot take it anymore! Wally: What is it, Darius? Darius: Whopper and his stupid imaginations, that's the problem! Igor: Now Darius, Whopper's young. He will outgrow his outlandish imaginations. so, be patient. Wally: Yeah. He can't help it. It's in his nature. Darius: Why should I be patient? The best time for change is the present. Besides, it's time for him to grow up. His tall tales are getting on my nerves! (Darius leaves the room.) Wally: Well that was odd. I hope he doesn't try to change Whopper. Igor: Agreed, Wallace. Wally: It's Walter. (Rotwang and Whopper enter the room.) Whopper: Hey, Guys! How's everything? Igor: Well, Darius is in a hothead mood. Rotwang: How so? Wally: He wants Whopper to grow up. Whopper: Why? Igor: He is getting annoyed by your imaginations. However, we would rather have you grow out of it with age. Whopper: Yeah. He can't tell me what to do. Rotwang: Quite true. (Meanwhile Darius is trying to propose obedience training for Whopper to Holly and Cooler.) Darius: And that's why you should give Whopper obedience lessons. Holly: That's it? Cooler: Whopper's not doing anything wrong. He just enjoying his youth. Just leave him alone. Darius: (Thinking) Some help these two are. I got it! Colette will help me! (At Colette's dog house...) Darius: Well, since you're his sister, don't you think it's annoying when Whopper tells his stupid tall tales. Imagine what he will be like if he were an adult! Colette: First, I don't help anyone who talks about my brother that way. Second, I like that he has such an active imagination. It's part of who he is. Besides, he could be a famous writer one day. Darius: Or a man-pup. Colette: Give it a rest, Darius. Darius: I will not. It's high time your little brother grows up with or without your help. (Darius leaves the room and sits down on a chair.) Darius: If Colette, Holly and Cooler won't help me, then who will? (Darius sees Marcus bouncing Momo on his knee while talking to Rotwang.) Darius: (Getting an idea) A-ha! (Later....) Darius: And that's why Whopper should take obedience lessons. Rotwang: How about no? Marcus: I refuse as well. There's no way you'll force us to make Whopper grow up immediately. Right, Momo? (Momo nods in agreement.) Marcus: See? Even my boy refuses to go into your scheme. Darius: Fine! (Darius leaves the room stomping.) Rotwang: I'll be outside the pound to make sure if one of my theories is right. (Rotwang leaves the room.) Momo: I think Darius is the one who needs lessons. Tolerance lessons. Marcus: Quite true. (Later at night.) Darius: Well, it's time to execute my plan to take Whopper away from the others and teach him obedience lessons. (Holds up a bottle of boredom gas.) I'll use this on him and anyone who interferes. (Darius looks around.) Darius: No one around here. Good. (Darius leaves.) (Rotwang holding a 16mm movie camera and Cooler emerge from the bushes.) Cooler: Well you were right about that theory. Rotwang: No doubt. Who knows what might go on in his head? Cooler: Well I'm glad that you found that thing in a yard sale with Ferro's help. Rotwang: No kidding. We should get this film developed as soon as possible. (Rotwang and Cooler run into the pound. At Darius' bedroom...) Darius: I must think of way to take Whopper to obedience school.. but how? (In the pounds darkroom...) Rotwang: Do you know how to develop film Cooler? Cooler: I learned how to develop 35mm film and 16mm. So I think I can work with this. Rotwang: Good. I will try to bring whopper to safety. In the meantime Gamma will help you develop the film. (Rotwang rushes off as Gamma shuts off the light.) Gamma: So, Cooler, what do you need the film development for? Cooler: It contains evidence of Darius planning to force Whopper to change. So we need this developed as soon as possible. Gamma: (Rolling up his sleeve) All right. Let's get to work. (In Whoppers doghouse. Rotwang enters.) Rotwang: I am gonna hate this, but I can't let Darius take Whopper to the obedience school. (Rotwang picks up Whopper, leaves a note for Darius and takes whopper out of the doghouse.) Rotwang: (Thinking) I have to hide Whopper. The darkroom! Darius doesnt know where it is and wont look there. (Rotwang rushes to the darkroom where Gamma and Cooler are at.) Gamma: And now we have the film in the dark tank. Now we can turn on the lights and pour in our pre wash. (Cooler turns on the lights and pours pre wash into a film dark tank.) Cooler: Is this right? Gamma: You're doing just fine, Cooler. (Rotwang enters the room carrying a sleeping Whopper.) Rotwang: (Whispering) I'm here. Where do I put whopper? Gamma: (Whispering.) Put him on that comfortable chair over there. (Rotwang puts the sleeping whopper on the comfortable chair.) Rotwang: I shall continue the development proccess and have it as evidence. You to should be in Whoppers puphouse and have a talk with Darius. Cooler: Good idea. (Gamma and Cooler leave the darkroom as Rotwang shuts the lights off.) Gamma: Cooler, I propose we surprise Darius. You hide under the blanket on Whopper's bed. Cooler: Okay. Part Two (Back at Whopper's doghouse, Cooler jumps into Whopper's bed and hides under the covers.) Gamma: Im glad that Rotwang found Whopper in time. Cooler: I agree. Gamma: Do you mind if i sing something? Cooler: Go ahead. (Gamma starts to sing Forest by Mutt Williams.) Gamma: Oh... (Darius walks in Whoppers puphouse.) Darius: What are you doing here, Gamma? (Cooler leaps out of Whopper's bed.) Cooler: We need to talk. Darius: Let me guess, that little cat-hearted snitch told you about this, didn't he? Cooler: Not at all. Igor had nothing to do with it. Darius: Then who? Gamma: It was Rotwang believe it or not. He also has evidence of your plans. Darius: What? How? He's in the dark room, is he?! Cooler: Why do you think that? Darius: Because thats how he develops his film. (Darius rushes to the dark room and kicks down the door. He then jumps on top of Rotwang and covers his eyes with his feet.) Darius: Where is Whopper? (Rotwang grabs Dariuses feet, walks over to the door of the pound building, opens it and tosses Darius out.) Rotwang: How about no? (Rotwang shuts and locks the door.) Darius: Stubborn wolf! (Darius bangs on the door.) Rotwang: Nobody's letting you back in. (Rotwang fixes the door of the darkroom and locks it shut.) Rotwang: There. I should report this Holly and Cooler. Darius has gone stark raving mad. (Rotwang turns around and sees Whopper missing.) Rotwang: Oh shoot. (Outside, Darius is seen coming out of the vent with a sleeping Whopper in his arm.) Darius: Now, to teach Whopper how to grow up. (Darius takes Whopper to his bedroom.) Darius: Welcome to my world, Whopper Ward Jones. The world of reality check! (Whopper wakes up.) Whopper: Where am I? Darius: My bedroom. Now, imagine what would happen in your adult years. (A thought cloud hovers. Inside, an adult Starburst wearing tattered clothes is seen doing the dishes. An adult Whopper enters.) Whopper: Honey, I'm home! Starburst: Did you get a job like I asked you to? Whopper: Oh, I got a job, all right. I got a job as Wonder Whopper! One time, I was fighting a horde of pizza men at a city... no no, on the moon... no, at the planet Venus and... Starburst: That's it! I sent you to get a job in order to support me and our seven puppies and what do you do? You play pretend! I should have known better than to marry a man-pup like you! (The thought cloud disappears and Whopper is seen with a horrified look on his face.) Darius: What did you see? Whopper: A vision of the future! Darius: In addition, because of your immaturity, no one will ever adopt you if you continue your tall tales. (Aside) Even thought Holly is technically Whopper's owner. Whopper: Darius! You have to help me! I don't want to be a man-pup or be a recluse! Darius: That's the ticket. (Rotwang knocks on the door.) Darius: Who is it? Synthisised voice: Pizza. Darius: That's odd. Well I'm hungry anyways. (Darius opens the door and sees a figure dressed in black leather with a grey owl helmet and a red velvet cape standing next to Rotwang holding a pizza box.) Rotwang: We need to talk. Darius: What is that thing standing next to you? Figure: None of your business. I am here to help Rotwang rescue Whopper. Whopper: Rotwang, it's all right. Mr. Darius is going to help me so that I don't grow up to be a man-pup or a recluse. Rotwang: What? How will he do that? Figure: Darius, that pup is just enjoying his childhood. Why are you doing this? Darius: Because I have had enough of Whopper's stupid imagination and I am going to shape into a refined, mature puppy. And that's all you have to say, you best mind your own business. Figure: If You force Whopper to mature too quickly, You'll have denied His happiness of youth. Whopper: My happiness?! (To Darius) Darius.... Darius: You don't know what a man-pup is, do you? Figure: Yes I do. I have seen them before. Darius: Then why are you doing this? Figure: Because he is young. He will grow out of it slowly. Don't let this escalate or you will be a bigger fool. Darius: Oh, really? I am doing Whopper a favor... (Darius gets rid of the helmet and jacket, revealing the figure to be Igor.) Darius: Little brother Igor! You are so in trouble for this, you little cat-hearted snitch! Synthisised voice: Or is he? (Darius turns around to see a figure in the exact same get up. Except he has a voice box, metal teeth and black lipstick.) Darius: What are you? Phantom: They call me the phantom. I have one question that will make your mind change. Darius: What is it? Phantom: What was your childhood like? Darius: Sensei Gamma, is that you? (Gamma takes off the disguise.) Gamma: Just think about this, Darius. Were you forced to grow up? Darius: My childhood is none of your business! (Darius rushes off.) Gamma: Doesn't know when to quit, does he? Rotwang: Quite true. Part Three (Darius is outside.) Darius: I almost got him! (Cooler walks up to Darius.) Cooler: Would it have been worth it? (Darius turns to Cooler.) Darius: Of course it would have been worth it! Besides, you know nothing of my childhood! I was doing Whopper a favor. He's better off acting grown up. In addition, when I was his age, I had no time for playing or imagination. My life evolved around studying and working. Cooler: Times are different. There is such thing as a childhood here. Darius: I'm not sure about that. (Slushy enters.) Slushy: What's up with Darius? Cooler: Darius is trying to get Whopper to grow up, and he won't let up! Darius: Since you're as realistic as I am, don't you agree? Slushy: Yes. Yes, I do. To be honest, he can't stay a young puppy forever. (Starburst enters.) Starburst: What's all the hubbub, guys? Darius: Starburst, who would you want to marry: A mature, responsible husband or a crybaby man-pup? Starburst: what are You saying? Darius: What I am saying is that would you rather marry Whopper as a future, responsible, hard-working pup or an immature, reclusive man-pup living in his mother's basement? Starburst: We're not married, Yet, Darius. so that Question doesn't apply. (Rotwang enters.) Darius: Here. Let me show you anyway. (A thought cloud hovers over the quartet. Inside, Starburst, in her adult years, is seen wearing tattered clothes and holding seven crying puppies in her arms while an adult Whopper is seen wearing a superhero costume while talking about one of his tall tales.) Rotwang: How about no? (Rotwang slashes the thought bubble with the ultra schwert.) Darius: (To Rotwang) You're no fun anymore! Rotwang: (With a false british accent.) I'm no fun anymore? Oh oh oh. Mummy, I'm off to play the grand piano. I'm going to say a giant wolf is no fun anymore. (Everyone but Darius and Rotwang begin cracking up.) Darius: F.Y.I, I'm Hungarian, not British. Rotwang: It's a joke from a british comedy series though. But you're still a fool of sorts. Darius: I am not the fool. You are. Rotwang: How so? I don't work at the circus, and make You wear a jester cap like You. Darius: A jester cap? Then why do you have a six sided star necklace? Rotwang: Because I like it. (Darius groans.) Darius: Leave me alone. (Darius leaves.) Rotwang: I hope he realises his mistakes. I hope it doesn't come to me using this can of footage as evidence. (Darius is in his room, crying.) Darius: They don't care what I went through... (Igor comes inside.) Igor: Darius...? Darius: I'll thank you to leave. Igor: Just hear me out, Darius. Darius: What do you want? Igor: To tell you a little story. Darius: Well, I might as well hear you out... Igor: All right. Here's what happens... Once upon a time, there was a puppy who used to be carefree and playful. But, one day, the puppy's parents and owners made a decision to take him to an obedience school. Darius: And? Igor: He turned bitter. He was mature but he was bitter for the remainder of his life. He had a lot of friends before, but after he changed, they all left him. Do you know who he was? Darius: No. Who was it? Igor: Well... Darius: Who was it? Igor: It's you, Darius. Darius: How did you find out? (Igor holds up a small diary with yellowing pages.) Darius: (Shocked) Is that...?! Igor: Yes Darius. It's your diary from your childhood. (Darius snatches the diary away.) Darius: You little twerp! Igor: Let me explain. I didn't take it. Darius: Then how did you get it? Category:Fan Fiction Category:Fan made episodes Category:What If's Category:Fan made episodes starring Darius Category:Fan made episodes starring Whopper